Vs. The World

“FUCK!”

Oh yeah. That’s what you want to hear at 5 am. Gonna be a great day.

No way am I losing this early. I am just going to roll over, pull the pillow over my head and lull myself back into sleep.

<mumble mumble OH FOR mumble … FUCK YOU! mumble>

Fine. Never mind. I’m up. The angry jerk on the other side of these paper-thin walls has seen to that once again.

Starting a day this way just makes you feel so proud of all you have achieved. How well you have done to wind up here. In this cheap apartment block. On the dodgy side of town. Awake 2 hours before your alarm. So you now have extra time to look forward to your shift at your dead-end just-until-something-better-comes-along job.

Good morning, world.

I’ll spare you the details of my day, because they are boring. Once you hit year 8 of ‘temp’ work the joke isn’t funny anymore. Papers are filed, phones are answered, data is entered, whatever. I’m back at the cheap apartment, it’s getting cold, it’s getting dark and I swear to whatever sick fuck some people call ‘god’, my key has actually vanished. It’s gone. Lost. No more.

Hello world, had a good day did you?

Fumbling in the fading light, re-searching my bag and pockets I begin to panic. The landlord’s notorious for gouging tenants for everything. For shit way less important than losing keys. Because of course it’s not just my key to my place that’s disappeared from existence. It’s my whole key ring, including my key to the building. Joygasm.

Having a laugh, are you world?

I’m sitting on the stoop of this dreary grey building under the bare bulb that doesn’t so much light the mailboxes as cast them in a horror film. I’m sitting here because I still haven’t called the landlord. And because no one, not one single person, has come in or out of the building in the last 2 hours. My neighbours have always been just slightly more useful to me than the brown moulding carpet in the building’s hallways. I take that back. Jimmy vomited all over that carpet on the first floor last year and the carpet just sort of absorbed it. That carpet has one up on the neighbours.

Getting ready for a long night, hey world?

“It’s very dangerous to sleep under a light like that, ya know.”

I jerk awake (the hell did I fall asleep out here?!?) and stare up at where the voice is coming from.

“Cops’ll nab you for loitering.”

My eyes finally focus enough to see the owner of the voice, but not before my nose has made some keen observations of its own. Homelessness is a scent all too familiar in this part of town – two parts cheap booze to one part unwashed.

“The lock didn’t work,” I hear myself lie. “I live in the building, but the, um, I mean … cuz’ the lock…” my voice trails out of my mouth on its own while my brain is busy chastising it for telling a stranger where I live. Because *that* is my big problem right now, apparently. This homeless dude knows where I live.

The man smiles at me like I’m a dumb, but somewhat cute, puppy. “Don’t ‘splain it to me. I’m not the cops.” He looks over my shoulder at the building. “Is it a nice place then?”

I’ve no idea if he’s taking the piss or not. My jaw opens and shuts like a fish gasping while my brain wrestles with the conundrum of what to say. The man stares at me a moment, laughs, and leaves. I continue to sit on the cold step and continue to feel like an idiot.

Thanks for that one, world.

It’s nearing midnight when I give in and get out my phone. I still can’t face my landlord, but Jordan owes me a favour. He’s not thrilled but agrees to come get me. Says I can crash on his couch tonight.

While I wait, I wander away from the building a bit. The only light still on in the street is from the stoop and as soon as I walk just a few paces away it’s dark. And silent. And still. And somehow, I feel lighter.

Yeah, okay world, today you win.

Same game tomorrow?